Justice League Versus

Just cataloged a nifty little children's book called Justice League Versus.  It's one of those cheap-to-produce, marketed at kids kind of things that I sort of wish didn't exist, but this one amuses me.  Basically, it puts a Justice League member up against a villain with some description of what the two characters can do and a simple scenario-- the reader is invited to decide what would happen.

What follows are spoilers. 

Green Lantern John Stewart vs. Joker in Arkham Asylum

I'm giving the initial round to the Joker.  John is not noted for his outside-the-box thinking.  The Joker's going to be an out-of-context problem for him.  John will be overconfident because the Joker is "just a psychopath" and will get whammied.

Of course, dramatic necessity dictates that John will eventually get his act together and defeat the Joker.  The good guys always win in the end.  That's what makes fiction better than real life.

Wonder Woman vs. Atrocitus on Themiscaria

Wonder Woman kicks his shouty red ass.  Atrocitus is no pushover, but Wonder Woman spars with both Batman and Superman, and she's on an island of warrior-women.  It's an epic throwdown, but the conclusion is obvious.

Nightwing vs. Catwoman in Gotham City

I'm sorry, Dick.  She's going to get away.  You're good, but she's escaped from Batman.

Green Lantern Hal Jordan vs. Captain Cold in Coast City

This one is cool.  (I'm sorry for the pun.)  Captian Cold is just a guy with a gun, but he's beat the Flash before.  He's a guy with a gun who can draw a bead on the fastest man alive.  And the cold gun is unusually useful against the Green Lantern's ring.  If it fired beams of ice, that'd be one thing.  GL could make shields.  But the cold gun just reduces molecular motion to zero.  The ice is a side-effect.

I'm betting that GL takes a beating, but is eventually able to turn the tide.  Hal Jordan doesn't go down easy.  (At least that's what Carol says.) 

(Yes, I'm a terrible person.)

Cyborg vs. Manbat in Hub City's football stadium

The set-up hampers Cyborg.  The text specifically calls out that he can't just blast the heck out of everything because the stadium is full of civilians.  That gives Manbat a fighting chance, but the stadium would also limit his mobility.  Just chasing Manbat off is probably a win for Cyborg.

I'm guessing Cyborg modifies his sonic cannon to screw with Manbat's echolocation so he crashes into a wall.  Victory: Cyborg.

Firestorm vs. Firefly in Hub City

Firefly goes down like a chump.  He's a dude with a jetpack and a flamethrower.  Firestorm (a) is immune to fire, (b) flies better, (c) can stop chemical reactions with his brain.  When you rely on making things combust for all your powers, don't fight a guy who can turn oxygen into something else.

Zatanna vs. Scarecrow in Bluthaven

Okay, so the text calls out that Scarecrow got the drop on Zatanna and hit her with fear toxin.  She believes her mouth has been sealed shut.  That's the only reason he has a chance.

I'm giving him the early rounds, but Zatanna has (iirc) managed to do magic without talking before in extreme circumstances.  And she actually CAN talk, she just doesn't think she can.  So she needs a few minutes to get her head together and remember that this is just a guy with fear gas.  Then she can meditate and stuff.  Then she says "Worceracs emoceb a daot," and the fight's over.  But it's a close one.

Red Arrow vs. Poison Ivy in a hospital

Roy's a chump.  Ivy gets away.  One interesting advantage Roy has, though, is that due to his years of drug addiction, he's probably somewhat resistant to Ivy's mind-control spores.  So she doesn't just get to roll over him without a struggle.

The Flash vs. Bane

Bane has planted bombs all around the city.  Flash has to find them before they blow up.

Really, there's no challenge.  Wally is so fast that in an emergency he can stop time, and has several other speedsters on (sorry here) speed dial.  Barry is one of the smartest guys around.  Bane learns to stay out of Keystone.

(I'm reminded of a fight between Quicksilver and some annoying mutant with predictive telepathy.  Sure, the guy knows every move Quicksilver is going to make, but that doesn't help when the moves themselves are so fast that you can't react to them.  And Quicksilver is REALLY SLOW compared to the Flash.)

Robin vs. Hush inside a prison

One of the two of these people was trained by Lady Shiva.  It's not Hush.  When Hush has time to set everything to his own advantage, he's a pretty serious threat.  When he's locked in a room with Robin is not one of those times.

Hawkgirl vs. Cheetah in a rooftop battle

This is a pretty good fight.  The scenario starts with Cheetah having grappled Hawkgirl, which eliminates a lot of Hawkgirl's advantages.  Cheetah regularly doesn't die while fighting Wonder Woman, so she can take a hit.  But Hawkgirl has an Nth metal mace if she can get it into play.

I'll ultimately give the fight to Hawkgirl.  She can levitate without using her wings, and can probably breathe in thinner air than Cheetah.  It's a close one, though.  Could really go either way.

Black Lightning vs. Killer Croc in a sewer

I'd normally say Black Lightning, but this specific scenario says his blasts can't penetrate Croc's armor.  I call BS, but I'll go with it for now.

That set-up really favors Croc.  He's got his favored environment, and Black Lightning will have trouble hurting him.  But BL's a pretty tough dude.  He might risk letting Croc grapple him so he can get a blast into Croc's mouth.

Batwoman vs. Ra's al Ghul in Gotham City

Kate could get away, but I don't think she could beat the Demon himself.  If her girlfriend is handy with her disintegrator pistol, that might change the odds.

Superman vs. Ares in the Fortress of Solitude

Tough fight for Supes.  Ares is every bit as strong, and has magic weapons.  But Superman has the home court advantage.  I'm betting Superman takes a severe beating, but Ares ends up on vacation in the Phantom Zone.

Black Canary vs. Harley Quinn in Arkham Asylum

I know Harley is a fan favorite, but Black Canary was one of the world's best martial artists before she did a training stint with Shiva.  Even without her Canary Cry, she probably wins easily.

Red Tornado vs. Deadshot in Happy Harbor

I'm pretty sure Red Tornado can take a bullet or two before he's seriously impaired.  I think Deadshot ends up back in prison for his next stint on Taskforce X.

Huntress vs. Two-face in Gotham

Two-face has fought Batman, but he doesn't generally win in a one-on-one fight.  And Batman fights with more restraint than Huntress.  I think Two-face might take a few crossbow bolts to his pretty side.

In the end, she'd manage to stop herself from killing him, and thus earn a really serious enemy for later.  And Batman would still complain that she didn't do it right.

Martian Manhunter vs. Bizarro on the Watchtower

This one is a seriously tough fight due to Bizarro's flame breath.  Manhunter's telepathy is either a total game-changer or is nerfed due to Bizarro's insanity.  It's a tough fight, but Bizarro is his own worst enemy.  He's just not smart enough, and Manhunter can phase through walls.  J'ohn doesn't win easily, but he wins in the end.

Vixen vs. Penguin in the Iceberg Lounge

Really, Oswald?  Really?

Vixen is an out-of-context problem for Gotham's criminals.  Penguin works best when he has lots of guys with guns, which he doesn't have in this scenario.  There was a reason he went semi-legit.

(That reason is that he's a fat man with a vindictive streak, not a supervillain.)

Batman vs. Lex Luthor in Metropolis

Lex has power armor.  He does pretty well for himself.  This is actually a solid fight.  But Batman is Batman.  Lex's main weapon is a kryptonite blaster, which doesn't phase Batman.  And Batman went into Lexcorp with a plan.  I'd say Lex gets away, but Batman walks away having dealt a severe blow.

In the next few days, Lexcorp stock probably tanks due to scandal, and Waynetech subsidiaries buy up the assets Lex has to liquidate to stop the bleeding.

So anyway, that was a fun little interlude.  If your household has a budding geek, you could do worse than buying a copy of this for yourself.

If you disagree with any of my choices, nener, nener, nener.  I can't hear you.